So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
