I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
