he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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