I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
