Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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