I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
