your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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