When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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