I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
