I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
