Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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