My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
