He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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