Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
