this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did i walk over a car last night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
