his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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