dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize