i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The uberlube is also flammable
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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