So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize