well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
