Your tits are I can't wait for
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
