Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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