Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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