can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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