when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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