woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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