Only a mothe r could love this liver
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
