can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
