She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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