Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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