I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
