I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
