Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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