he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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