when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
