you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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