Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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