Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
