summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
