I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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