what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
