Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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