Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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