don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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