One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i dont even know how to be here
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a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm like, not good at living.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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