haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
