Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
