ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
