I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
