Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
