just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
how drunk are you?
Several
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
