Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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