You're so nebulous sometimes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
