I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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