She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
