just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize