i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
