idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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