i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
