so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
