I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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