what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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