You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
