I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
